"Be Still"

These are the words of a friend to me last night. A friend who has herself been through invitro fertilization. A friend who knows exactly what I'm going through and the agony of THE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday I got somewhat depressed. I did not sleep well the night before because a gazillion things were going through my mind. Some surrogacy related, others not. Just LIFE on my mind and letting my mind wander as I tried to pray. So much distraction! Yesterday, I did not test in the a.m. and I somehow allowed myself to think of negative things and the what if's if this didn't work! IT got me so depressed and sad by late afternoon! It has continued to this a.m. and I again did not pee on a stick. I decided to turn this over to God this a.m.! I can't handle it!

I prayed to my heavenly Father and asked for direction and words! I opened my bible and said I would read the first full verse on the page I opened. I opened to Nehemiah....the beginning! So, I read the little excerpt that is about Nehemiah. It says:

"The book of Nehemia recounts Nehemiah's time as governor of Canaan when God's people were returned from Babylon. He rebuilds the walls of Jerusalem, along with Ezra he leads God's people in worship, and he administers their affairs. Important to his daily work is PRAYER, through which he expresses his dependence on God. As you read this book, ask yourself how God wants you to serve his people; be sure that everything you do is accompanied by prayer."

OOPS! WORSHIP--PRAYER--REBUILDING......guess the Lord was speaking to ME! Although I pray every night (usually) and lately, most of the day while I ponder life.....I am convicted in these words. We have been super laxed this summer in worship attendance. We've used lots of seemingly legitimate excuses....o.k., with the exception of Wimbledon's on excuse....but still, we've tried to make it seem legit to not go or that it was o.k. to not attend a few! And praying about where God wants us to serve? Sheesh.....hadn't done THAT in awhile! OOPS!

So, although this part of God's word did not give me any answers that I was hoping for to "be still" or to encourage me, it was still exactly what I needed to hear my God tell me today!

I close with a prayer for each of you reading this to also pray for where God is leading you! I pray I will gain the strength to do this again daily and be diligent in His word! :))

Oh, I also pray for tomorrow to quickly come! Hee hee Afterall, it is the bloodtest that will hopefully tell me I'm pregnant with my IP's baby for them! :)) I so badly wanted the excitement to begin EARLIER...I'm so impatient! Maybe I need to pray for that too, the virtue of patience, which I don't seem to have any of lately! HA

Until next time!