Well, we aren't quite sure right now when the next cycle will be, but I am hopeful it will be the end of Aug to beginning of Sept sometime!
I am trying to concentrate right now on learning some new stuff for our business (hubby and I are clowns and just started a business this last March). Right now it is a side business, but we are hopeful it will grow and we will be able to eventually JUST have the entertainment company to live off from!
This has nothing to do with my surrogacy journey, but it is still my journey in time!
If you'd like to see our business, check us out! www.kingdomklowns.com Aren't we cute clowns?? Hee hee
Until Tuesday night! Ciao
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Seeking Healing and Answers
Today is a day of healing! I am feeling better today!
My eyes are no longer burning from all the crying! I think I sucked all the moisture right on out of them! :( But, today is a new day and today we all begin to heal. We have no choice but to accept the event as they are. We have no choice but to make sure we learn from this last cycle and move forward and look forward to a new successful cycle.
My IM emailed me and told me they have a phone consultation with the RE's office on Tuesday! She asked if I would like to be a part of that conversation. I thought that was extremely sweet of them to offer. Not all IP's would want that. That just shows me....yet again....how wonderful and sweet this couple is. They are going to make such awesome parents.
I have questions for the RE's office on the medical protocol he used during this cycle. I don't understand why he didn't have me on certain meds. Certain meds I have always been told are essential to the success of a cycle with IVF (invitro fertilization). One of them is a very low dose steroid which would prevent my body from rejecting the embryo's as a foreign object inside my body. To me, I have never ever known a surrogate who hasn't been on this. But I was told, "it's not in his protocol," when I asked why I didn't have it. Now, normally, I would just accept this, but guess what? I had excrutiating cramping a couple times during our two week wait! At first, I thought the cramping was good, I thought it was implantation. Then I thought, HOLY COW, this is more intense....to which I then thought, "OH MY GORSH....what if ALL THREE were implanting?" I began to think of all the possibilities.
Maybe I'm just looking for some kind of answer to why it didn't take when everything looked so good, but what I think happened??? Not that you asked my opinion, but I'm giving it freely anyway...so, what I think happened was that intense cramping I was feeling? I think it was my uterus revolting and attacking those embryo's as foreign objects. Why else would I have that kind of cramping? My body has never been through a cycle without the help of a drug that would prevent me from attacking those embryo's!
And the other thing that doesn't make sense to me? I had this bright red bleed on Tuesday night. I wasn't doing anything stenuous, nothing at all, and yet, there I was bleeding. On Wednesday, it had drastically slowed down, but still enough to make me wear a pad during the day, and then I got the negative test results. My hormone levels were also taken and my progesterone and estrogen levels were beautiful. They were exactly where they should have been. And I was then ordered to stop all meds as of last night! So, last night was my first ever missed shot! And I didn't take my baby aspirin either. I should then be expected to start my period within 7-10 days. But....guess what? The bleeding began to increase last night and has continued just like a regular period today. Not only that, but it was bad enough today to have me take a Pamprin.....which I am now allowed to take...but couldn't before! Not a good drug folks if you are trying to get pregnant or pregnant! BAD ....don't take it if you are pg!
So what the heck is up with that? Now I have yet another question for that doctor! What on earth would make me begin bleeding on Tuesday night and continue as if it were my period and so soon after the cycle? With all the drugs I was on, and with my hormone levels where they were....what on earth would make this happen? How could it happen??
This weekend I am forgetting about this surrogacy! My IM emailed and she and hubby are doing the same. Next week though, we will pick up where we left off and begin the process again with our feet on the ground and all mourning behind us. Well, maybe not ALL of it, but most of it, and we can begin to seek out answers from the doc that will hopefully result in a successful SECOND transfer! YEEEEEEEEEE HAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a cowprint clown costume to make! I'm clowning tomorrow at Chick-fil-A for their second annual cow appreciation day! I am not joking! I'll have to send pics tomorrow when I'm in this super cute costume!
((HUGS))
Until we meet again!
My eyes are no longer burning from all the crying! I think I sucked all the moisture right on out of them! :( But, today is a new day and today we all begin to heal. We have no choice but to accept the event as they are. We have no choice but to make sure we learn from this last cycle and move forward and look forward to a new successful cycle.
My IM emailed me and told me they have a phone consultation with the RE's office on Tuesday! She asked if I would like to be a part of that conversation. I thought that was extremely sweet of them to offer. Not all IP's would want that. That just shows me....yet again....how wonderful and sweet this couple is. They are going to make such awesome parents.
I have questions for the RE's office on the medical protocol he used during this cycle. I don't understand why he didn't have me on certain meds. Certain meds I have always been told are essential to the success of a cycle with IVF (invitro fertilization). One of them is a very low dose steroid which would prevent my body from rejecting the embryo's as a foreign object inside my body. To me, I have never ever known a surrogate who hasn't been on this. But I was told, "it's not in his protocol," when I asked why I didn't have it. Now, normally, I would just accept this, but guess what? I had excrutiating cramping a couple times during our two week wait! At first, I thought the cramping was good, I thought it was implantation. Then I thought, HOLY COW, this is more intense....to which I then thought, "OH MY GORSH....what if ALL THREE were implanting?" I began to think of all the possibilities.
Maybe I'm just looking for some kind of answer to why it didn't take when everything looked so good, but what I think happened??? Not that you asked my opinion, but I'm giving it freely anyway...so, what I think happened was that intense cramping I was feeling? I think it was my uterus revolting and attacking those embryo's as foreign objects. Why else would I have that kind of cramping? My body has never been through a cycle without the help of a drug that would prevent me from attacking those embryo's!
And the other thing that doesn't make sense to me? I had this bright red bleed on Tuesday night. I wasn't doing anything stenuous, nothing at all, and yet, there I was bleeding. On Wednesday, it had drastically slowed down, but still enough to make me wear a pad during the day, and then I got the negative test results. My hormone levels were also taken and my progesterone and estrogen levels were beautiful. They were exactly where they should have been. And I was then ordered to stop all meds as of last night! So, last night was my first ever missed shot! And I didn't take my baby aspirin either. I should then be expected to start my period within 7-10 days. But....guess what? The bleeding began to increase last night and has continued just like a regular period today. Not only that, but it was bad enough today to have me take a Pamprin.....which I am now allowed to take...but couldn't before! Not a good drug folks if you are trying to get pregnant or pregnant! BAD ....don't take it if you are pg!
So what the heck is up with that? Now I have yet another question for that doctor! What on earth would make me begin bleeding on Tuesday night and continue as if it were my period and so soon after the cycle? With all the drugs I was on, and with my hormone levels where they were....what on earth would make this happen? How could it happen??
This weekend I am forgetting about this surrogacy! My IM emailed and she and hubby are doing the same. Next week though, we will pick up where we left off and begin the process again with our feet on the ground and all mourning behind us. Well, maybe not ALL of it, but most of it, and we can begin to seek out answers from the doc that will hopefully result in a successful SECOND transfer! YEEEEEEEEEE HAW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have a cowprint clown costume to make! I'm clowning tomorrow at Chick-fil-A for their second annual cow appreciation day! I am not joking! I'll have to send pics tomorrow when I'm in this super cute costume!
((HUGS))
Until we meet again!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Counting my Blessings
When life has you down, it is always a good thing to count your blessings.
So, I thank God for all my journey's thus far and I will look forward to the fact that I can even do this at all.....that my body is healthy enough for me to do this for another couple.
Thank you to my friend for reminding me that I am fortunate to be able to offer this, and that others cannot/should not and don't have this as an option. You know who you are! Love ya girl!
((HUGS))
So, I thank God for all my journey's thus far and I will look forward to the fact that I can even do this at all.....that my body is healthy enough for me to do this for another couple.
Thank you to my friend for reminding me that I am fortunate to be able to offer this, and that others cannot/should not and don't have this as an option. You know who you are! Love ya girl!
((HUGS))
What has been....will be again
So, the news is not good. No, it was downright NOT WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR!!!!!!!!!
I am so frustrated! Did my body do something wrong? Did I somehow fail at this? Why is it that it did not take? Was it the embryo's? Was it the medical protocol? So much is different and I'm ultimately as sad as sad can be right now!
They read me the results over the phone and I just started balling! When you begin a journey such as this, you can't help but get attached to the couple you are trying for. Every bump is a huge bump, because it isn't just yourself you are worrying for. You take on the emotions and wants and desire of the couple you are trying to help. So much is riding on each try and so many hopes and dreams are seemingly shattered in an instant! As soon as you hear the word "negative", you lose it! You can't help but think you did something wrong.
I'm sure my IP's are wondering all the same questions I am, and they are wondering if it was me, or wondering if it was them. I don't have the answers!
I so did not want to be the bearer of any bad news to my IP's, but with wanting to tell them the positives....I have to be willing to accept the telling them the negatives!
I thought I had pulled myself together composure wise enough to tell my IM. Then I called her, and I again lost it! I almost couldn't even say the words! I just sat there crying! I don't know the right words to tell her! This is a big deal for them, and me too, but this is their dream on the line. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if their baby is born or conceived a few months later? No, I suppose not, but this is a big deal when you are going through this and quite frankly, nobody wants to hear that stuff at a time like this! No one wants to hear, "Oh, but they know how to stimulate her now, so it will work soon." No, I don't want to hear that! I wanted to hear it WORKED dang it! I want to hear, "oh, I'm sorry Mrs. ___, we mixed up your blood with someone elses"....or..."I'm sorry, we read the wrong results." I want it to be fixed somehow, I want it MY WAY dang it to heck!
Sadly, those are not the words that are going to come. The blood level was less than .1, which is very negative!
The emotions all hit very much straight to the heart when I had to make that phone call to my IM and share with her, that it did not work. I'm sure she was as shocked as I was to get the call, and I left her with both of us sobbing on the phone and for her to have to call her hubby to let him know. I pray the strength will come to her because I know it took all I had in me to find the comfort to call her, and then I lost it again when she spoke.
Whoever said life was easy was wrong! I was told to go to the Word and seek out Him right now. To open my Bible and let God direct and talk to me. So, while still letting my friend console me, I opened the Word up without even looking at where I was grabbing and when I looked down, the first verse was, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again;there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9
And when I read it further, and further, in Ecclesiasted 3:1 it says, " There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven."
I do not pretend to know why this did not work this time. I know everything can be exactly perfect and right and it still not work, but man, this bites for sure! I know there will be another try and I know I'll get pregnant for them. God told me so just a little bit ago. He told me what has been, will be again, so I know I will do this for them, and I pray it's sooner than later! I don't think I could bear this kind of news again! How do couples with fertility issues do this? They are stronger than I.
Please say a prayer for my couple. I know I'll be fine, my God is my comfort, and I know He is holding me up today, but this is going to be a very difficult day for my couple. This was all so exciting and our hopes were so high. HAving the slight positive test on Sunday really had our hopes all up and now I feel tremendous guilt for having done one of those tests at all. *sigh* I somehow contributed to their pain today on so many fronts, and for that, I am sad...but for them, they are even sadder! Please pray for them and pray for strength for them!
Until next time!
I am so frustrated! Did my body do something wrong? Did I somehow fail at this? Why is it that it did not take? Was it the embryo's? Was it the medical protocol? So much is different and I'm ultimately as sad as sad can be right now!
They read me the results over the phone and I just started balling! When you begin a journey such as this, you can't help but get attached to the couple you are trying for. Every bump is a huge bump, because it isn't just yourself you are worrying for. You take on the emotions and wants and desire of the couple you are trying to help. So much is riding on each try and so many hopes and dreams are seemingly shattered in an instant! As soon as you hear the word "negative", you lose it! You can't help but think you did something wrong.
I'm sure my IP's are wondering all the same questions I am, and they are wondering if it was me, or wondering if it was them. I don't have the answers!
I so did not want to be the bearer of any bad news to my IP's, but with wanting to tell them the positives....I have to be willing to accept the telling them the negatives!
I thought I had pulled myself together composure wise enough to tell my IM. Then I called her, and I again lost it! I almost couldn't even say the words! I just sat there crying! I don't know the right words to tell her! This is a big deal for them, and me too, but this is their dream on the line. In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if their baby is born or conceived a few months later? No, I suppose not, but this is a big deal when you are going through this and quite frankly, nobody wants to hear that stuff at a time like this! No one wants to hear, "Oh, but they know how to stimulate her now, so it will work soon." No, I don't want to hear that! I wanted to hear it WORKED dang it! I want to hear, "oh, I'm sorry Mrs. ___, we mixed up your blood with someone elses"....or..."I'm sorry, we read the wrong results." I want it to be fixed somehow, I want it MY WAY dang it to heck!
Sadly, those are not the words that are going to come. The blood level was less than .1, which is very negative!
The emotions all hit very much straight to the heart when I had to make that phone call to my IM and share with her, that it did not work. I'm sure she was as shocked as I was to get the call, and I left her with both of us sobbing on the phone and for her to have to call her hubby to let him know. I pray the strength will come to her because I know it took all I had in me to find the comfort to call her, and then I lost it again when she spoke.
Whoever said life was easy was wrong! I was told to go to the Word and seek out Him right now. To open my Bible and let God direct and talk to me. So, while still letting my friend console me, I opened the Word up without even looking at where I was grabbing and when I looked down, the first verse was, "What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again;there is nothing new under the sun." Ecclesiastes 1:9
And when I read it further, and further, in Ecclesiasted 3:1 it says, " There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heaven."
I do not pretend to know why this did not work this time. I know everything can be exactly perfect and right and it still not work, but man, this bites for sure! I know there will be another try and I know I'll get pregnant for them. God told me so just a little bit ago. He told me what has been, will be again, so I know I will do this for them, and I pray it's sooner than later! I don't think I could bear this kind of news again! How do couples with fertility issues do this? They are stronger than I.
Please say a prayer for my couple. I know I'll be fine, my God is my comfort, and I know He is holding me up today, but this is going to be a very difficult day for my couple. This was all so exciting and our hopes were so high. HAving the slight positive test on Sunday really had our hopes all up and now I feel tremendous guilt for having done one of those tests at all. *sigh* I somehow contributed to their pain today on so many fronts, and for that, I am sad...but for them, they are even sadder! Please pray for them and pray for strength for them!
Until next time!
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
My Jesus....My Comfort
"My Jesus! My Savior. Lord there is none like you. All of my days, I want to praise, the wonders of your mighty love. My comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength. Let every breath, all that I am....NEVER cease to WORSHIP YOU!!!!!!!!!!
Shout to the Lord, all the Earth, let us sing. Power and majesty...praise to the King. Mountains bow down, and the seas will roar, at the sound....of.....your.....Nay--ame!
I sing for joy at the work of your hands. Forever I'll love you...forever I'll stand.
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You."
Tomorrow is the big day! THE BLOOD TEST!!!!!!!!!! The test to see if I am indeed pregnant with the baby of my IP's (intended parents) or if this cycle was a failure.
I so needed to hear this song this evening! Sometimes things happen that just don't make sense and sometimes we just need that reassurance that everything will be o.k. That you can take comfort in the Lord, and find comfort in worshipping Him.
So......no matter WHAT the results are, this cycle was NOT a failure! Somehow, glory to Him will come of this and somehow His kingdom will be glorified by what has happened.....for good or worse!
The hormones I'm on seem to make the lows low for me and the highs high! I am listening right now to the CD called "Modern Worship" and I just want to listen, take it all in, and cry!
Tomorrow, I'll have the blood test results WAY WAY WAY before our clinic ever does. My IM knows this! So, this means, the burden of everything falls on my shoulders. Good or bad. If the news is good, I get the excitement, I get the first reaction, I get the happy happy job. But if it doesn't work, I don't know if I can bare to call! I am so attached to this couple already and my heart will sink if the news is not good. But, just as this song I'm listening to now says,
"YOU'RE ALL I WANT...YOU'RE ALL I EVER NEEDED!" "Help me know YOU are near!" These are the words I'll need if the news is not what we want to hear!
+++++++++ vibes......+++++++++ vibes
Until tomorrow!
Shout to the Lord, all the Earth, let us sing. Power and majesty...praise to the King. Mountains bow down, and the seas will roar, at the sound....of.....your.....Nay--ame!
I sing for joy at the work of your hands. Forever I'll love you...forever I'll stand.
Nothing compares to the promise I have in You."
Tomorrow is the big day! THE BLOOD TEST!!!!!!!!!! The test to see if I am indeed pregnant with the baby of my IP's (intended parents) or if this cycle was a failure.
I so needed to hear this song this evening! Sometimes things happen that just don't make sense and sometimes we just need that reassurance that everything will be o.k. That you can take comfort in the Lord, and find comfort in worshipping Him.
So......no matter WHAT the results are, this cycle was NOT a failure! Somehow, glory to Him will come of this and somehow His kingdom will be glorified by what has happened.....for good or worse!
The hormones I'm on seem to make the lows low for me and the highs high! I am listening right now to the CD called "Modern Worship" and I just want to listen, take it all in, and cry!
Tomorrow, I'll have the blood test results WAY WAY WAY before our clinic ever does. My IM knows this! So, this means, the burden of everything falls on my shoulders. Good or bad. If the news is good, I get the excitement, I get the first reaction, I get the happy happy job. But if it doesn't work, I don't know if I can bare to call! I am so attached to this couple already and my heart will sink if the news is not good. But, just as this song I'm listening to now says,
"YOU'RE ALL I WANT...YOU'RE ALL I EVER NEEDED!" "Help me know YOU are near!" These are the words I'll need if the news is not what we want to hear!
+++++++++ vibes......+++++++++ vibes
Until tomorrow!
"Be Still"
These are the words of a friend to me last night. A friend who has herself been through invitro fertilization. A friend who knows exactly what I'm going through and the agony of THE WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yesterday I got somewhat depressed. I did not sleep well the night before because a gazillion things were going through my mind. Some surrogacy related, others not. Just LIFE on my mind and letting my mind wander as I tried to pray. So much distraction! Yesterday, I did not test in the a.m. and I somehow allowed myself to think of negative things and the what if's if this didn't work! IT got me so depressed and sad by late afternoon! It has continued to this a.m. and I again did not pee on a stick. I decided to turn this over to God this a.m.! I can't handle it!
I prayed to my heavenly Father and asked for direction and words! I opened my bible and said I would read the first full verse on the page I opened. I opened to Nehemiah....the beginning! So, I read the little excerpt that is about Nehemiah. It says:
"The book of Nehemia recounts Nehemiah's time as governor of Canaan when God's people were returned from Babylon. He rebuilds the walls of Jerusalem, along with Ezra he leads God's people in worship, and he administers their affairs. Important to his daily work is PRAYER, through which he expresses his dependence on God. As you read this book, ask yourself how God wants you to serve his people; be sure that everything you do is accompanied by prayer."
OOPS! WORSHIP--PRAYER--REBUILDING......guess the Lord was speaking to ME! Although I pray every night (usually) and lately, most of the day while I ponder life.....I am convicted in these words. We have been super laxed this summer in worship attendance. We've used lots of seemingly legitimate excuses....o.k., with the exception of Wimbledon's on excuse....but still, we've tried to make it seem legit to not go or that it was o.k. to not attend a few! And praying about where God wants us to serve? Sheesh.....hadn't done THAT in awhile! OOPS!
So, although this part of God's word did not give me any answers that I was hoping for to "be still" or to encourage me, it was still exactly what I needed to hear my God tell me today!
I close with a prayer for each of you reading this to also pray for where God is leading you! I pray I will gain the strength to do this again daily and be diligent in His word! :))
Oh, I also pray for tomorrow to quickly come! Hee hee Afterall, it is the bloodtest that will hopefully tell me I'm pregnant with my IP's baby for them! :)) I so badly wanted the excitement to begin EARLIER...I'm so impatient! Maybe I need to pray for that too, the virtue of patience, which I don't seem to have any of lately! HA
Until next time!
Yesterday I got somewhat depressed. I did not sleep well the night before because a gazillion things were going through my mind. Some surrogacy related, others not. Just LIFE on my mind and letting my mind wander as I tried to pray. So much distraction! Yesterday, I did not test in the a.m. and I somehow allowed myself to think of negative things and the what if's if this didn't work! IT got me so depressed and sad by late afternoon! It has continued to this a.m. and I again did not pee on a stick. I decided to turn this over to God this a.m.! I can't handle it!
I prayed to my heavenly Father and asked for direction and words! I opened my bible and said I would read the first full verse on the page I opened. I opened to Nehemiah....the beginning! So, I read the little excerpt that is about Nehemiah. It says:
"The book of Nehemia recounts Nehemiah's time as governor of Canaan when God's people were returned from Babylon. He rebuilds the walls of Jerusalem, along with Ezra he leads God's people in worship, and he administers their affairs. Important to his daily work is PRAYER, through which he expresses his dependence on God. As you read this book, ask yourself how God wants you to serve his people; be sure that everything you do is accompanied by prayer."
OOPS! WORSHIP--PRAYER--REBUILDING......guess the Lord was speaking to ME! Although I pray every night (usually) and lately, most of the day while I ponder life.....I am convicted in these words. We have been super laxed this summer in worship attendance. We've used lots of seemingly legitimate excuses....o.k., with the exception of Wimbledon's on excuse....but still, we've tried to make it seem legit to not go or that it was o.k. to not attend a few! And praying about where God wants us to serve? Sheesh.....hadn't done THAT in awhile! OOPS!
So, although this part of God's word did not give me any answers that I was hoping for to "be still" or to encourage me, it was still exactly what I needed to hear my God tell me today!
I close with a prayer for each of you reading this to also pray for where God is leading you! I pray I will gain the strength to do this again daily and be diligent in His word! :))
Oh, I also pray for tomorrow to quickly come! Hee hee Afterall, it is the bloodtest that will hopefully tell me I'm pregnant with my IP's baby for them! :)) I so badly wanted the excitement to begin EARLIER...I'm so impatient! Maybe I need to pray for that too, the virtue of patience, which I don't seem to have any of lately! HA
Until next time!
Sunday, July 09, 2006
You be the Judge
Alrighty, what do you all think? The C is the control line, the T is the test line. A line under C and no line under T means NOT PREGNANT....but a line under BOTH means pregnant!
Can ya see the line??
Is it really positive??
So, I have been peeing on those dreadful home pregnancy tests! I bought a few from the dollar store, for just $1...apparently they pick up the earliest!
I did one yesterday and after a bit, I THOUGHT I saw the faintest of faintest lines! After a long while, I went back in and it was pretty much clearer, but still EXTREMELY faint! But, even hubby could see it without standing on our heads and making our eyeballs go googly! And a surrogate friend stopped by yesterday and even she could see this faint line without contorting it or herself.
That would mean I would think the line would be darker today......but again, it is extremely faint. When I was in the bathroom, it looked as though it could be a shadow, but when I took it to the kitchen, and set it on the counter, it was pretty distinct, but still surely VERY VERY VERY faint!
Not sure WHAT to make of this! I told hubby to hide all the rest of those stinking pee sticks from me and not let me test ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have me second guessing and it is so frustrating! He and my surrobuddy tell me it wouldn't even be faint if SOMETHING were not there, but not seeing it darker ticks me off!
I'm pretty convinced if I am pregnant, it is not multiples, because surely it would have been darker and showing today! Then again, it is still 4 days shy of the bloodtest, which is the earliest they like to do anything or see stuff! So, here I sit, on pins and needles, hoping and praying!
My couple is so so sweet, and I can't wait to share excitement and joy with them. Especially it being their first baby! This is going to be a great journey and I am so impatient, I want the excitement and joys and smiles to start NOW NOW NOW!
Lord, Grant me the Serenity, to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!
I did one yesterday and after a bit, I THOUGHT I saw the faintest of faintest lines! After a long while, I went back in and it was pretty much clearer, but still EXTREMELY faint! But, even hubby could see it without standing on our heads and making our eyeballs go googly! And a surrogate friend stopped by yesterday and even she could see this faint line without contorting it or herself.
That would mean I would think the line would be darker today......but again, it is extremely faint. When I was in the bathroom, it looked as though it could be a shadow, but when I took it to the kitchen, and set it on the counter, it was pretty distinct, but still surely VERY VERY VERY faint!
Not sure WHAT to make of this! I told hubby to hide all the rest of those stinking pee sticks from me and not let me test ANY MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They have me second guessing and it is so frustrating! He and my surrobuddy tell me it wouldn't even be faint if SOMETHING were not there, but not seeing it darker ticks me off!
I'm pretty convinced if I am pregnant, it is not multiples, because surely it would have been darker and showing today! Then again, it is still 4 days shy of the bloodtest, which is the earliest they like to do anything or see stuff! So, here I sit, on pins and needles, hoping and praying!
My couple is so so sweet, and I can't wait to share excitement and joy with them. Especially it being their first baby! This is going to be a great journey and I am so impatient, I want the excitement and joys and smiles to start NOW NOW NOW!
Lord, Grant me the Serenity, to accept the things I cannot change. The courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, July 07, 2006
Candlelight Shots?
For those who aren't familiar with InVitro Fertilization, you have to do these injections on a daily basis. The kind of surrogacy I do is called Gestational Surrogacy, which is simply me carrying a baby for someone else! There is no biological link to me or my husband. This process requires the doctor's to take away all my hormones and put in the exact hormones they know are optimal for getting pregnant. These are not oral hormones, these are done via injections.....and not small ones either. We are talking a 1.5" needle and these injections are given in the tooshy! There are a series of smaller injections in the stomach fat (or thigh fat) that lead up to getting pregnant, but those are stopped just prior to the attempt to get you pregnant.
So last night, we have this huge thunderstorm. Like the kind of storm where you huddle in the center of your house kind of storm! LOL It's nearly over, and the power goes out. Doh! Then it blinks back on...yeah....then it goes out again! I just knew the second time was going to be awhile! And it was.....
At 11:15 at night, I sat by candlelight preparing my two big injections I had to do last night! Now, when getting them ready, I have to draw up the meds in the syringe, then you purge the syringe to make sure all the bubbles are out, all while making sure you don't lose much medication. I had to do this by candlelight and flashlight! Just as I was struggling to make sure the little air bubble was out of the second shot.....the lights came back on!
Perfect timing! WHEW! Thank goodness hubby didn't have to give me those shots in the dark! Boy, that would have been fun! HA
Warm hugs to everyone!
So last night, we have this huge thunderstorm. Like the kind of storm where you huddle in the center of your house kind of storm! LOL It's nearly over, and the power goes out. Doh! Then it blinks back on...yeah....then it goes out again! I just knew the second time was going to be awhile! And it was.....
At 11:15 at night, I sat by candlelight preparing my two big injections I had to do last night! Now, when getting them ready, I have to draw up the meds in the syringe, then you purge the syringe to make sure all the bubbles are out, all while making sure you don't lose much medication. I had to do this by candlelight and flashlight! Just as I was struggling to make sure the little air bubble was out of the second shot.....the lights came back on!
Perfect timing! WHEW! Thank goodness hubby didn't have to give me those shots in the dark! Boy, that would have been fun! HA
Warm hugs to everyone!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
A new Beginning
The new journey has begun and alas I am getting around to posting about it. Doing a fourth surrogacy journey has been no small task and I have begun and said I was going to stop several times. When I want to stop, something inside me kept pushing me and telling me my time was not yet, my time was not yet! I needed to listen to God and wait for the right couple to come along and wait for the perfect timing.
This journey with the right couple is now underway. This is what I feel God was leading me to the whole time. I feel very comfortable and most of all, I feel this is the "one", this is the couple I was meant to help.
Their names will remain nameless and I will simply refer to them as IF, and IM.....for Intended Father and Intended Mother. They do not live in the same state as I, but are close enough to be able to drive for the major appointments, or any other if they want to make the trek! :)
More later on all of that. For now, I will simply post the update of my latest news to date.
On June 30, 2006 at approx 11:30 a.m. PST, we transferred three excellent rated embryo's! Two of which were right where they were suppose to be, and one of which, was a little behind developmentally, but still in EXCELLENT form for the stage it was in. So.....all three went in at the recommendation of the RE's office. RE would stand for Reproductive Endocrinologist (the getting pregnant doctor - hee hee).
The first bloodtest will be on 7/12/06 and I am anxious to see those results. I feel very positive right now.
I have had the cramping periodically, which is usually a sign of implantation, but I have something this time I didn't have with my last NEGATIVE cycle. I had the tell tale streaking or light spotting. This has happened with the other previous embryo transfers that I had that were successful. My friend tells me, "of course it is implantation, what else could it be?" I don't know, I told her it could be my body ridding itself of the embryo's, but really I am just trying to find some reason for it to not be just in case it does turn out negative. I really can't see that happening right now though! I should mention this spotting was only minimal...not a whole lot, more like just streaking when I wiped, and just for a couple times, and now it's gone! THAT is a GOOD GOOD SIGN! Combined with cramping....oh, I'm feeling pretty good now that it just might have worked exactly like I thought!
I did do a home pregnancy test yesterday a.m. and the dumb thing was INVALID. What? Yeah, the little window that is the control window, that is suppose to show a line? Well, it didn't, and according to the little booklet that came with that, it means the test was INVALID! Well phooey on it! PPllbbbbttttttt
So, I did another this a.m. and not even the faintest line! However, WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING? It's only been 6 days! Sheesh....give my body a rest man, it isn't a hormone producing machine.....YET!!!!!!!!!!!
But did that get me down? Nope, nadda, no way Georgie! It did help to reassure me that it is unlikely all THREE took....but I still feel GREAT about the whole thing and think by Monday, I will see a line! Oh goodness, Monday seems like a long ways away! AARRGH Also, even though I'd love to carry twins for this couple, I had a dream it was a singleton girl, so everyone mark my words here! I think it will be a singleton GIRL! K? K! Good! LOL
Until next time,
((HUGS))
This journey with the right couple is now underway. This is what I feel God was leading me to the whole time. I feel very comfortable and most of all, I feel this is the "one", this is the couple I was meant to help.
Their names will remain nameless and I will simply refer to them as IF, and IM.....for Intended Father and Intended Mother. They do not live in the same state as I, but are close enough to be able to drive for the major appointments, or any other if they want to make the trek! :)
More later on all of that. For now, I will simply post the update of my latest news to date.
On June 30, 2006 at approx 11:30 a.m. PST, we transferred three excellent rated embryo's! Two of which were right where they were suppose to be, and one of which, was a little behind developmentally, but still in EXCELLENT form for the stage it was in. So.....all three went in at the recommendation of the RE's office. RE would stand for Reproductive Endocrinologist (the getting pregnant doctor - hee hee).
The first bloodtest will be on 7/12/06 and I am anxious to see those results. I feel very positive right now.
I have had the cramping periodically, which is usually a sign of implantation, but I have something this time I didn't have with my last NEGATIVE cycle. I had the tell tale streaking or light spotting. This has happened with the other previous embryo transfers that I had that were successful. My friend tells me, "of course it is implantation, what else could it be?" I don't know, I told her it could be my body ridding itself of the embryo's, but really I am just trying to find some reason for it to not be just in case it does turn out negative. I really can't see that happening right now though! I should mention this spotting was only minimal...not a whole lot, more like just streaking when I wiped, and just for a couple times, and now it's gone! THAT is a GOOD GOOD SIGN! Combined with cramping....oh, I'm feeling pretty good now that it just might have worked exactly like I thought!
I did do a home pregnancy test yesterday a.m. and the dumb thing was INVALID. What? Yeah, the little window that is the control window, that is suppose to show a line? Well, it didn't, and according to the little booklet that came with that, it means the test was INVALID! Well phooey on it! PPllbbbbttttttt
So, I did another this a.m. and not even the faintest line! However, WHAT THE HECK WAS I THINKING? It's only been 6 days! Sheesh....give my body a rest man, it isn't a hormone producing machine.....YET!!!!!!!!!!!
But did that get me down? Nope, nadda, no way Georgie! It did help to reassure me that it is unlikely all THREE took....but I still feel GREAT about the whole thing and think by Monday, I will see a line! Oh goodness, Monday seems like a long ways away! AARRGH Also, even though I'd love to carry twins for this couple, I had a dream it was a singleton girl, so everyone mark my words here! I think it will be a singleton GIRL! K? K! Good! LOL
Until next time,
((HUGS))
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